If I were to try to tell you my story today
You would say I was lying
Because the details have been lost in obscurity and the memories have faded into a blur
I don’t remember if I was 3 or 4
I don’t remember if it was red or blue
I don’t recall if it was left or right
You see, my conscious mind has forgotten what my body remembers
My mind has forgotten the days and hours but definitely not the ways
My mind has forgotten the words, the looks, the gestures but not the 1000 micro aggressions winding their way around my body choking my life away
My mind has forgotten what my body cannot help but remember
Those that know way more than I could ever know
Who have the words to qualify the broken parts of my heart call it PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Disorder
Because you have disordered the natural way in which I should respond to the world
I’m afraid of the dark but I don’t know why
Some smells make me break out it a cold sweat in absolute terror but my mind will not release the cause
I hear a random phrase and I am triggered to the centre of my being because you disordered the way I was meant to understand those words
I cannot see certain combinations of colours without trembling and ducking my head in shame
My body reacts In Shock to things my mind can no longer comprehend because my body remembered what my mind has fought hard to forget