Hello World! <3

Starting a new thing is never easy. And starting anew when for years you’ve felt lost, confused, barely functional or just making it through one moment at a time is even harder.

It’s scary being in this place. Scary knowing you want different (not necessarily more…. just…. different) but not knowing exactly what you want or where to start. Your own thoughts tell you to just stay where you are, where it’s safe. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable right? Nothing wrong with being safe.

Yes, we’ve been told that comfort zones are the enemy of greatness. Want to be the next (insert your idea of greatness here)? Get out of your comfort zone. Sounds about right… but let’s get real. Comfort zones protect you and give you a semblance of sanity and grounded-ness. Comfort zones are familiar, cozy, welcoming, safe, even when they’re not. Your comfort zone was there when you doubted yourself. It was there when you felt alone. It slipped on like your favourite pyjamas, held you tight and said “You’re really good at this” and “You’re enough just as you are” when no one else could see your struggle to feel good or be good at anything at all. Comfort zones are safe!

Until they’re not. It’s one thing to be cuddled in the loving arms of your comfort. And it’s another to be so violently stifled in its grip that even when you DO want to get out, you cannot. That’s when you know… this comfort zone isn’t comfort anymore….

That’s where I am. Comfortable but uncomfortable. Too scared to venture out but in too much pain to stay where I am. So this is me… not knowing what’s next. Not knowing how to be the me I want to see in the mirror but can’t quite conjure up just yet. This is me writing until it make sense.

Come along with me as I just try to deal with life…

See you next week.